I always asked my sons "What would you do if so and so asked you to do something bad." Always, the answer was "Mom that would be wrong! I wouldn't do it." I thought I was handling the peer pressure issue. When my children were older and I asked them point blank about peer pressure, each one denied that such a thing existed. My troubled teen swore up and down that his delinquent friends were not making him do any of the things he was doing. What he did not realize is that most often, peer pressure is a very subtle manipulation of the way we think or the way we view what we have been taught.

We are ALL susceptable to social/peer pressure and we often are completely unaware that we are conforming to these pressures. For instance, you are at a company Christmas banquet and everyone is asked to be seated for dinner. People begin placing their napkins in their laps, reminded of this etiquette you do the same. You have just succumbed to social pressure. No one at your table leaned over and said "psssst put your napkin in your lap!" We do these things because we naturally conform to the behavior norms of the group. There are many reasons we conform daily. We don't want to be fired, we don't want to feel embarrassed, we don't want to lose our friends, we don't want to alienate our family, we don't want to start an argument, we don't want to become the targets of gossip, etc.

The above is an example of harmless social pressure, however, social pressures are not always as innocent. As seen in several high profile and fascinating conformity studies such as the Stanford Prison Experiment,http://psychology.about.com/science/psyc... the Milgram Experiment, http://sociology.about.com/science/socio... or the Asch Experiment, http://www.stanford.edu/~krollag/org_sit... show how we conform to the real or implied expectations of the group or figure of authority in ways which can range from answering questions incorrectly to the brutalization of others.

The results of continuing research into social/peer behaviors now questions the wisdom of group care facilities for delinquent children on the basis that these kids may only further conform to the behavioral norms of the newly provided peer group. Therapeutic Foster Homes, in which the foster parents are trained to deal with such social issues, and in which the troubled child is removed from delinquent peer influences appears to have a better success rate.

Obviously, the old "you can't choose your child's friends" rule, which may have sufficed in simpler days, can no longer be strictly adhered to. We must devise ways of finding out who our children's peers are, what their behaviors are, and what choices they generally make. When we do find out that our children are in "bad company", we must then devise ways of removing them. I know, I know, easier said than done. I can just imagine the pitched battle my son would have waged if I'd known then what I know now, and had put my foot down.

I'm open for your suggestions and advice here. Studies have shown several things we can try. In the conformity experiments above, the subjects showed a lesser chance of conforming if even one of their peers refused to conform. Showing educational videos regarding the subtle nature of social pressure has also proven to be beneficial when those portrayed in the film were of the same age level as those who were viewing the information. Providing non-peer group activities such as family trips, weekend campouts, or anything else you can think of to limit the time your child spends with his/her less than savory allies would be beneficial. Addressing the issue of social pressure in group family therapy would allow for discussion in a mediated environment.

We cannot all, of course, quit our jobs, hire detectives, install burglar alarms and hidden cameras to keep tabs on who our children are seeing and what their group behaviors are like. What we can do is consistantly provide positive social pressures within the family, and within the circle of friends we ourselves choose, and consistantly show zero tolerance for groups or individuals who exhibit delinquent, illegal, and unethical behaviors.

Making our troubled children's association with unacceptable peers as difficult as possible and educating them about the types and effects of social pressure might very well give our children a better chance of learning to combat these pressures now as well as in their adult lives.

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