As parents, grandparents and concerned citizens, we can be advocates for change in the larger society. But what can we do in our own families to raise children who are secure, well-balanced, caring, responsible, able to communicate, and who have a positive view of the world?

The thought of having an adolescent child fills many parents with dread. We talk about ¿surviving the teenage years as if we're going into combat. We need to rethink these attitudes because they can easily become self-fulfilling prophecies. Despite the many physical and emotional changes teenagers go through, they do not become unpleasant, heartless creatures. In fact, Dr. Laurence Steinberg, says that even though there are some inevitable family tensions, children from many different kinds of homes report a high degree of respect for their parents and most kids turn out just fine.

Negative attitudes toward teenagers can also lead to parents to pull away from their own children, assuming that they can't influence them anymore. This, in turn, allows kids to withdraw a pattern that has been shown to end up with troubled adolescents.

One of the most frequently asked questions these days is: How well do you know your teens? To answer that, it's important first to know about teens. For example:

• Teenagers face many pressures that adults tend not to take seriously. Their bodies are changing; they worry about their personal safety, divorce, and death. They ask themselves: ¿Who am I and What am I going to do with my life?

• To some degree, you can expect teens to be moody and self-centered, to question your values and your authority. That's because they're trying to establish an identity of their own.

• -doubt is constant. Teens feel pressure to conform and fear ridicule if they don't. This can be bewildering, frightening, and even depressing.

• While teens want to be treated like adults, it's important for parents to provide structure and limits. Teens need help sorting out their lives as well as large doses of tender loving care.

To know what your teenager is doing and provide appropriate guidance, you may need some new ways of interacting. Here are some suggestions to help keep the lines of communication between you and your teen open.

• Make time together. Yes, the pressures of work stand in your way and kids also want to be with their friends. Think of this as a critical opportunity to have a major input into your child's life. However, kids this age don't want to full blast of attention. They open up best when you're doing something else such as driving or just hanging out together.

• Don't rush in if you hear something you don't approve of. We want to impart our values, but maintain a safe atmosphere for kids to tell us things they know we may not like. Try saying: I'm glad you told me that. Let me give it some thought and we can talk about it again.

• Respect teens ideas, thoughts and beliefs. Ask for their opinions and suggestions and show confidence in their judgment. Include them in family decision-making.

• Help teens make sensible choices. Teach them to take a problem-solving approach to decision-making. Encourage their independence. Think carefully about when they can decide for themselves and when you need to step in.

• When you get mad, don't blame or accuse. Blaming serves only to arouse tempers and kill dialogue it forces teens to argue the point. Say what you feel, using I messages: I'm angry (or sad or disappointed) because…

• Avoid negative labeling. Instead of "You're a lazy slob, try, I'm upset because you didn't clean up the mess. Labels are hurtful and can stand in the way of kids thinking they can change their behavior and, thus, can last a lifetime.

• Say what you want your kids to do. Instead of ¿Don't you dare talk to me like that, try a more positive approach: ¿I expect to be treated with respect.

• Acknowledge you child's strengths. Recognize a specific effort instead of giving blanket praise: for example, ¿I can see that you really tried hard to improve your history grade.

• Set reasonable limits. Teenagers need them and, deep down, really want them. The limits you set should be rooted in your family's values and beliefs and consistently applied.

• Respect your teen's privacy in the same way you want him or her to respect yours. However, if you suspect there's something seriously wrong, speak up or take action.

• Take an active interest in your teen's friends. What are they like? What kids of things are they interested in? Stay in touch with their parents. Lots of valuable information can be exchanged about school, teachers, or social events such as: Will there really be an adult at that party on Saturday night?

Links for school safety and violence prevention Links for Parents Protecting Children From Abuse Links for helping young people with emotional and behavioral problems Links For And About Teenagers Runaways Aggression:Teen Aggression Directly Related to Popularity. A.D.D: Dealing With Attention Disorders Broken Homes: Divorce And Successful Parenting, Effects Of Divorce Of Education, Effects Of Parental Fights On Teens, Separation and Divorce, Step parenting An Out Of Control Teen, Step parenting Successfully Cursing Or Mood Swings: Foul Language Of Teens Defiance And Anger: Adolescent Behavior Problem, Teen Anger Delinquency: Some Proposed Reasons For Teen Delinquency Depression: Dealing With Teen Depression, More About Teen Depression,Teen Depression Emotional Problems: Understanding Emotional Changes Failing In School: Parental Involvement In Teen Education Feelings Of Despair: Adolescent Anxiety Help For Teens: About Wilderness Camps, Behavior Modification, Convincing Teens To Get Help, Counseling For Your Teen, Helping Teens Hit The Target, Programs Give 2nd Chance To Youth, Solutions For Teens In Trouble, Therapy For Your Teen Lack Of Discipline: Adolescents and Decision Making, Chores Foster Responsibility, Discipline: Love and Limits, Punishment vs. Discipline,What Is Discipline Lack Of Motivation: How To Motivate Your Teen Lack Of Respect: Respect Concerning Different Subjects Lack Of Self-Control:Dating And Sexual Activity, High Risk Behavior, What The Bible Says On Self Control Minor Legal Problems: Teen Crime Prevention Negative Group Of Friends:Adolescence And Peer Pressure, Dealing With Teen Peer Pressure, Handling Teen Peer Groups Peer Pressure Oppositional Defiant Disorder:Oppositional Defiant Disorder Parenting Tips And General Help: 7 Steps For Coping With A Negative Child, 7 Tips For Parenting Teens,10 Secrets Teens Want You To Know, Hard Times For Girls, more... Rebellious Behavior And Violence: Teen Fashion, Piercings, and Tattoos, Teen Gang Prevention Refusing To Follow Rules:About Making Rules, About Parent-Teen Contracts, Effective Problemsolving With Teens, Negotiating Rules And Contracts, Setting Limits Running Away: Teen Runaway Prevention,Teen Runaways Substance Abuse Issues:Drug Use and Teens, Teen Drug Prevention, Teens And Smoking,Ways To Prevent Drug And Alcohol Use Suicidal Tendencies: Teen Suicide Prevention Teen In Crisis: Factors Of Troubled Teens,Helping Teens With Stress, Teens And Recent Tragic Events