Teenager.If you're the parent of one, chances are you can't even read this word without experiencing a twitch of exasperation. Gone are the days when you could pull your son up onto your lap and talk over why it's wrong to put an empty carton of milk back in the fridge. You're not even allowed to touch your son anymore. All those parenting skills you've spent so many years honing have just flown right out the window. It's enough to make you want to move back in with your parents.

Listen to one mom: "When I come home to find my son's boots in the middle of the living room, his backpack and jacket on the dining room table, his muddy lacrosse gear in a heap by the backdoor and evidence of snacking, my immediate response goes something like, '!@#$%^&!.' It's a big challenge to find new ways to respond to old issues--like Pavlov's dogs, we immediately start salivating when the bell is rung." How can you break through the frustration to start interacting with your teen in a constructive way?

A group of Parent Soup parents of teens put their heads together and decided to try a little experiment: For one week, they would swear off nagging, lecturing and fuming. Instead, in each run-in with their teen, they would provide only positive reinforcement. It all started with a post on the Parents of Teens Message Boards, when Lorraine from California suggested that since so many parents seemed to be struggling with the same issues, "maybe they're normal adolescent behaviors? Maybe if we completely stop mentioning anything negative, and only say complimentary, positive things to them, they will start responding totally differently to us, and the problem will be solved!" And so the experiment began.

The results were amazing.

"After a few days of the experiment," reported one mom, "my daughter confided a 'boyfriend secret' to me. We also watched about an hour of MTV together, just chatting -- no lectures, no serious talks, just 'hanging out.'" Another parent said, "Acts of rudeness disappeared, and he was actually pleasant to be around--no arguing, yelling and fighting. It was heaven again."

"Praise was followed by physical signs that it had a positive effect," one lucky mom said. "Their spirits lifted and they had more energy. You could see their shoulders straighten, their heads come up, a light in their eyes!" Some kids even started complimenting their parents right back: "My son's study habits leave little to be desired! Because of the constant arguments in this area, he chooses to wait until the last minute to show me a test grade that requires my signature. I've lectured, etc., to no avail. One day, he said, as nonchalantly as he could, 'Hi, Mom, I got a 75 on a science test I forgot to study for last night.' Trying to remain calm and remembering our positive experiment, I told him I really appreciated him telling me now and not waiting until the last minute. He replied, 'And Mom, I really appreciate you taking this so well; I'm impressed.'"

But the biggest outcome of the experiment is what the parents learned about their own behavior. While it's not easy to be nice to a surly teen, it's well worth the effort. As Nancy, a mom from Florida said, "Out of the many arguments and tears he and I seem to go through, I can always find one positive thing to say to him." Cindy, a mom from New York, concurs, "Praise is an effective tool in the arsenal of parenting."

The bottom line: The way we act affects our children. And if we act positively, our children will react positively. One dad summed it up: "If I have learned anything from this experiment, it's that my kids are more willing to come to me with their problems if I display a more 'laid back' attitude. If we treat our children with the respect they deserve, they will, in turn, respect us as parents.

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